So, I think a alot about the future.
I think that is a good thing because no one likes to live in the past.
However, on one of my longer bike rides the other week, I reverted back to my 16 year old self and what I was doing this time, ten years ago and where I thought I would be now…
I was loving life. Member of Young Farmers… no further comment needed.
I was eventing my 6 year old mare who I bought myself (not the bank of mum and dad) as a 4 year old and took her from being barely backed to sailing around British Eventing 100 course and collecting rosettes. She broke my heart, going lame after her first season. She also broke my jaw and gave me concussion, putting me in hospital more than once. Persistence beats resistance… until you run out of money and the bank of mum and dad are not an option.
I worked as a lifeguard every weekend and evening to fund this hobby. I was slightly delusional. Genuinely thought I was funding my future and that I would be riding around Badminton/Burghley by now (international level). Failing this, I would be a successful business woman, strutting around the streets of London in my Chanel suit and Christian Louis Vuitton stilettos. I mean, a girls got to have ambition, right?!
I had my FIRST EVER boyfriend. Literally head-over-heels. He was the year above me, typically handsome (if you read this, don’t let it get your your head because it is already big enough) and aspired to the world of banking (and w*anking). I honestly thought he was it. The one. We would both go to university, remain faithful and completely in love, graduate and have successful careers.
I honestly thought that we were soul mates and that we would both embark on successful careers, earning our millions. During this phase of life, I would be rocking a massive diamond of great clarity and we would be planning our MASSIVE wedding and our no-expense spared honeymoon where we would make love every night and would return glowing with a little sproglett on the way. In my head, this was all perfectly possible before the big 3 – 0.
Obviously before this point, he would have wined and dined me, showered me in Mulberry/Chanel handbags, Tiffany jewellery etc. etc. Y’know – the usual student/graduate wage gifts.
Safe to say, I am a bit of a dreamer. Not that there is anything wrong with a dreamer. I still am but perhaps (hopefully) less naive.
OMG. I know right. All fairy tales have a shitter of an ending. GUESS WHAT. The f*cker was a cheating toad (I can tell how shocked you all are). Oh and by cheating, I don’t just mean a cheeky snog. He was a slut. Fair enough, we are all only young and foolish once.
Anyway. Karma is a thing. Bye Boy.
So, (eventually) I big girl pants on and had a reality check. Que, Destiny’s Child, Survivor.
I mean, I have encountered a few more toads since this one but I have not made the same mistake twice. Just a variation of it.
It’s weird because this relationship ended by the time I was 18 but it has massively shaped who I am today, how I conduct myself and how I am able (not able) to deal with and portray my emotions. Life is too precious and too short to waste time. Naturally, I hit freshers week pretty hard. It was fun and I forgot about him.
Things that motivated me when I was 16:
- Designer bags
- A flashy lifestyle
- Nice presents
- Making a good impression
Anyway. 10 years on:
I am happy;
I have a first class degree;
I have gained Chartered status;
I am standing on my own two feet, I have a (so far so good) career as a Rural Chartered Surveyor (Associate Land Agent) with my own house;
I have some amazing (and very patient) friends;
In January I started triathlon training, coach (Sam) in tow and sitting here today, August 2019, I have qualified for the 2020 European and World Triathlon Championships (25-29 AG);
Around this I have a (occasionally hectic) social life; and
Am attempting to set a good example of a #strongindependantwoman to my god daughter, Madeline Smith.
To summarise, life is actually going AMAZING albeit a different path to the 16 year old me had planned. I am very lucky and very grateful.
Currently I am motivated by:
- Going faster
- Meeting new people
- Gaining a sense of achievement
- Wanting to make a difference (in all ways possible)
- Doing things that make me happy
- New opportunities and making the most of them
- Obviously my coach, Sam Mountain, my Family and Friends are massive motivators. All of whom are a great great support network and who I will be forever grateful for.
Obviously a lot has happened in 10 years. Some of which I will fill you in on but as two points in time, it is amazing how much life can change and how as a person, you evolve. In my instance, I think for the better.
I don’t think much of the person I was 10 years ago, or even the person I was 12/18 months ago but that’s what makes who you are today and in the future.
Life is a journey, for better or for worse. The world owes you absolutely nothing. Who know’s what the next 10 years will bring or even the next 10 months but here’s to working hard, being kind, having a great time and at some point making a difference in this messy world!
LATERSSSS. Love you all. xoxo.